This experience is literally forcing me to come to people, ask for help and be vulnerable.
That is not a natural quality of mine. I have always stood strong on my two feet and tried to help others stand along the way.
I have never trusted people, in their word, motives or action. I don't know where this pain and false belief comes from, but I have a feeling their about to change.
I have started reaching out to people that I THINK love me.
I have struggled to FEEL any type of love in return from any person for as long as I can remember.
The love I give is pure and from my heart, but it is also given in faith, for I haven't felt the results given from giving love. I can assume someone loves me, but have never felt it.
I feel this struggle has created space for my heart to receive love like I have never known.
I believe in reaping what I sow. I feel I have sowed pure love and continue to sow that love into people. I have faith that those seeds I have planted will come back to me with fruit.
Yes, it is not knowledge, but it's hope and faith that keeps me giving.
I am humbled to be at the receiving end. I don't necessarily like it here, but again, I trust the gift of love I will be receiving will be worth it.
I am seeing more love, grace, mercy, and gentleness from God than I ever have. I am blown away and grateful. As for you, I also thank you for those of you who have reached out to me in my time of need.
Talking with a good friend of mine I realized I am right in the middle of a BLAZING fire of refinement.
I am proud of that, no matter how hard it may be.
I will come out shiny and new on the other side.
And my hope is that my ability to love and receive love will be deeper than ever before because of it. I will hold onto that thought.
Thank you for your prayers during this time.
Dreamer Di
Challenge: Let yourself be loved
Word: Hope
If you like my writing, please share. I am wanting to reach other people struggling with the same wrestle of hope and love I am. Thank you:)
I hope you screen these before posting, and that you will excuse the intrusion of having unsolicited input dumped on you :)
ReplyDeleteYears ago for Halloween my daughter sewed a beautiful elf dress with magical, shimmering cloth that shifted colors from deep forest green to a yummy brown depending on the light and angle you looked at it from. It was really amazing. Recently she was having difficulty feeling self worth. Being that it was Halloween again, I remembered her dress and wrote her the following message. When I read your posts I thought of her and her struggles and thought I would pass this on to you as well.
I was so impressed with your dress you made. So was everyone else that saw it! People were blown away by it. One of your friends even asked to borrow it for Prom. It was so beautiful.
But it was not perfect. You knew that. You knew where every mistake was. You knew where the thread grabbed, where you had to take out stitches and redo it, where it was not cut quite right. But no one else ever would. They only saw the beauty.
You are like your dress. You know all your faults - every little thing that is not quite right. But others see your beauty. You may not believe it, but I have heard it from enough sources to know that is the truth. Perhaps not everyone sees it. Not everyone would have appreciated your dress either. Not everyone sees beauty at all. The point is that some things are beautiful whether everyone else sees it or not. And people do see you as a beautiful person, full of light, love, kindness and strength.
There is another interesting thing I want to bring to your attention. Sometimes we get to thinking that, "yeah, people like me or at least tolerate me…. until they get to know me better." So, I wonder - who loves you best? Hmmm I would start with God. Funny thing - He also knows you best. Ok, who is next in line? Your mom and I.. Is it a coincidence that we know you better than anyone else on the planet? I think if you took an inventory you would find there is really a pretty solid correlation there. When people really get to know you well, they love you most. Like the dress, you are beautiful from a distance, but you get even better up close. I love that dress. Even though I know there are flaws. I love the dress, like the girl, because I know the love that went into them both.
Love, your ever adoring Dad :)
xoxoxox
Thank you for sharing Steve. That was a beautiful letter to your daughter. You're right, we do put ourselves under the microscope when God looks at the bigger picture. Thank you for sharing and for reminding me of that:)
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