Trusting In Hope

It's so interesting.

This experience is literally forcing me to come to people, ask for help and be vulnerable.

That is not a natural quality of mine. I have always stood strong on my two feet and tried to help others stand along the way.

I have never trusted people, in their word, motives or action. I don't know where this pain and false belief comes from, but I have a feeling their about to change.

I have started reaching out to people that I THINK love me. 

I have struggled to FEEL any type of love in return from any person for as long as I can remember. 

The love I give is pure and from my heart, but it is also given in faith, for I haven't felt the results given from giving love. I can assume someone loves me, but have never felt it.

I feel this struggle has created space for my heart to receive love like I have never known.

I believe in reaping what I sow. I feel I have sowed pure love and continue to sow that love into people. I have faith that those seeds I have planted will come back to me with fruit.

Yes, it is not knowledge, but it's hope and faith that keeps me giving.

I am humbled to be at the receiving end. I don't necessarily like it here, but again, I trust the gift of love I will be receiving will be worth it.

I am seeing more love, grace, mercy, and gentleness from God than I ever have. I am blown away and grateful. As for you, I also thank you for those of you who have reached out to me in my time of need.

Talking with a good friend of mine I realized I am right in the middle of a BLAZING fire of refinement.

I am proud of that, no matter how hard it may be.

I will come out shiny and new on the other side. 

And my hope is that my ability to love and receive love will be deeper than ever before because of it. I will hold onto that thought.

Thank you for your prayers during this time.

Dreamer Di

Challenge: Let yourself be loved

Word: Hope

If you like my writing, please share. I am wanting to reach other people struggling with the same wrestle of hope and love I am. Thank you:)

Can You Help Me?

I realize I'm highly highly off focus.

I've been analyzing my actions and distraction, in its truest form, is what reeks throughout.

I'm a little nervous about the amount of work it may take to refocus. But maybe it's just as easy as "holding up the magnifying glass again," to channel the sun.

I'm am saddened by the amount of mistakes I am choosing to make right now. Decisions that may not affect my life short term, but over time, if continued, will drastically change my future.

I literally need help. 

Dreamer Di

Challenge: Can I ask for you to pray for me? I'm at a critical point right now.

Word: SOS

Actual Love Vs. Movie Love

I realize that doing things differently than most people is ok.

I feel I am a romantic person, loyal and a good friend.

I am so blessed that I do not watch TV and am very selective with movies. My ability to love and expectations of love are not fantasies, but are are based off what my heart truly feels and not a regimen or agenda created by some unknown cyber wannabe love goddess.

Why would I want to set myself up with unrealistic expectations, fears or judgements by watching love stories of others, fictional or not, to determine mine? 

Doesn't sound smart to do so..

I have a very good friend of mine that I have loved for quite some time. I realize I don't have to make it hard for this man, play games or "play hard to get." It just comes down to straight up honest communication. Not being afraid to be open and lay it all on the table.

I want to learn what love is from the true source. I believe that the essence of love is inside each of us. We are blessed to have the divinity of God inside of us. He is the giver of true love. And to Him I will go to find that love and how to give it to another.

It's interesting, the more I mess up and feel like I'm failing, the more I turn to God. During these times I have felt the Lords love even more.

I have really struggled to like people for a long time. It started to bother me that I never trusted people and could never fully connect with anyone. 

I wanted to learn how to truly love people.

I have been working on this for years and the fruit has been beautiful. I still feel I have a long way to go, to truly deeply love people around me, but I wouldn't trade the wonderful emotions I have felt for each person along the way. Love is becoming real, and a piece of me.

In romantic love, I believe friendship is the deepest quality needed. For when things get tough it is the deep bond of helping each other that keeps things together. It's in those moments of serving each other, because you love that person for who they are, not by how they look, perform or fail, but because you love them and would do anything for them.

I believe true love takes work, patience, understanding, communication, belief, God and time. 

I believe that the more you give true love, the more your ability to receive that same love grows, and maybe more than you gave.

Gosh, I pray you and I can be filled with actual love.

Why not create a love story of your own?

Love Dreamer Di

Challenges: 1. Give love to someone today and see what fruit grows from serving another.

2. Continue open communication with God to help you find the love inside of you. 

Words: My heart is full

I'd love for you to like or comment about love you've felt. Also, feel free to share this blog post if you agree. :)

Our Silly Self

I crack myself up sometimes.

I have been having to make a lot of important decisions lately.

It's funny that we make things so much more complicated than they really are. 

I was in such deep thought yesterday about a decision. Life or death type of thing. Ha I really thought through each aspect and knew that making this hard decision would change my life forever.

After this long day of thinking I ended the day with the most simple thought and solution. 

This option was a lot easier than anything I had ever thought. 

The decision came down to standing up for who I am, what I want, and not being afraid to... Realizing I don't owe anyone anything, no matter how nice they are to me. If they aren't what I want, or the situation is not what I want, then why get myself stuck into something?

I won't... Ha

There is so much freedom in trusting in God and making decisions with him. 

My response is a little "ballsy," and different than I have given before.. But that's where new results happen, in trying something new..

I'm finding it's quite exhilarating to stand up for yourself. 

Enjoy your day,

Dreamer Di

Challenge: Are there places you could stand up for yourself better?

Words: Water bowl

One... Last... Time...

You seriously never know what your breaking point can be.

You can think you are doing so well with patience in an area until you get put in a situation where you're tested, you fail MISERABLY and you find you were more on the edge than you thought. 

I heard a cool thought at a conference a couple weekends ago.

"What if you only had to ask one more time."

This made me cringe, want to swear, possibly roll my eyes; yet it gave me one... more… drop of hope. I feel like I am at my last leg in a couple areas and to be honest, I have thrown in the towel on a couple of them. And not just thrown it down but have stomped on that towel and have debated flushing it down the toilet or burning it.

I don't know if I'm mad or happy that I pick up the towel every time I throw it down.

I think it's gotten more annoying to have to pick it up so often.

So gosh freaking stinking dang. I'll ask one…. more… time…

So many excuses go through my head. Pooey to all of them.

The only thing I truly have to hold on to is that God will hold up his end of the deal, in so many areas. 

Will He have complete grace with me? Fill in all the gaping holes I fail to fill? Will He come through on everything He's promised me? Is what He said possible?

I have trusted Him this far. I'm willing to pick up the towel one.. more.. time...

*grumble grumble* I want a new towel. 

Love Dreamer Di

Challenge: Pick up the towel again and continue to trust God has you, loves you and wants what's best for you.

Word: Possibility

Practice The Craft

Possibility tastes so wonderful doesn't it?

I've been working hard for years for certain results and ideas. They are starting to pop out of the ground like little plants. 

It's definitely been a challenge, and the incubation period has been longer than I expected, but I have never given up on those little leafs showin their sweet sweet faces. 

I've always wanted to do what I love. I have worked hard to train my mind and create circumstances to do what I love. Each moment gets easier to do so and it's exciting to wake up and produce income doing your passion. 

I have never waited for a degree, qualification, or piece of paper to tell me in good at something. I've just done it. 

Since I practice my craft and love it, my skill is increasing daily. I'm learning how to give people what they want, and make every penny they give me worth it for THEM. In doing so MY worth is increasing. It's kinda fun:)

Enjoy your circumstances.

What's your craft? :)

Love, 

Dreamer Di

Challenge: Have faith in the little seed of your passion. Continue to nurture it. It'll sprout. :)

Word: Pillow

Empowered And Movin'

I feel like I needed to update you.

I am feeling more empowered than ever. I feel like I'm learning how to create no matter my circumstances.

In the last week I finished a bunch of projects, created movement and learned a lot.

I realize that finishing something just means doing it. Ha sounds so simple but I think we procrastinate some many things. 

I love changing bad habits into new, true and result-making habits.

I feel empowered, strong and determined today. 

I'm moving forward in joy, DECISION and love today.

Hope you have decided to do the same.

Thanks for reading.

Love Dreamer Di

Challenge: Decide what you want and do it:)

Word: Gypsy ;)

Gods Response

You know, I am proud of myself today.

I have continued on with my routine today as before. Yes, I have a couple new hiccups and extra things added to my list to clean up the mess from Saturday, but I can move freely today.

The past three days I have had to take extra care of myself. Slept a lot more, slowed down and gave myself time to process. I am so blessed to be self employed so I CAN take that time to heal and rest.

I believe I can move freely today because I have let go and forgiven. I did a lot of writing yesterday and seemed to process well and find peace. I'm so happy I have been able to let go of blame and holding pain in. I have let go because I trust God and let him help me.

I turned to him right away.

I didn't know if he'd want to talk to me after what happened, but I was surprised by his response. He was gentle, He was loving, He was kind. Here's a piece of what He said:

"My dear sweet Diana. I am not mad at thee. Your choices do come with consequences, but you have the power to work through them. I am not here to condemn you at this time, but here to love you. I know your heart, I know thou art good. Mistakes from the natural man happen. Continue to study my word that you may be protected in the future. Continue to take care of yourself and sleep. For is keeps you level headed. I am with you. I will never leave you. Thank you for coming to me right away after your decision.  Yes, you have made a mistake, but I give you another chance. Every instance can be used for your good. 

Come to me, ask of me, follow me."

I am at peace and encouraged.

Love Dreamer Di

Challenge: Come to God in your challenges. Ask Him to show you He loves you. He will. :)

Word: Comfort

You And I Both

I've wanted to write you for a while but I've slightly been in a whirlwind.

I'm being tested hardcore. Some I'm passing with flying colors, others I'm failing, falling like a dead bird. 

It sucks to fall, but it also shows me that good is to come. My belief that in order to get promoted to the next level you must be tested and tried. 

I love change, I can't get enough of it sometimes. I am happy where I'm at but am always moving forward because I believe there is more.

I took a hit Saturday night that had the possibility of decapetating my progress, or giving me momentum. I have chosen to let it spur me into creation and purpose even more than before. 

This moment alone has created a new level of seriousness which I have never tasted.

Determination to succeed, persistence to continue digging deeper for healing, and a stronger fight against the enemy of my soul.

Healing creates power. And power, strength and wisdom am I gaining. 

And you know what I'm going to do with that wisdom? SHARE IT.

Love Dreamer Di

Challenge: Don't be afraid of your faults and weaknesses. Search them out, come to God to heal you. You then will stand victorious, powerful and free.

Words: Do it.

Crush talk

The possibility of a crush, a spark is so beautiful. I feel we shut it down more often than not.

Have the bright colorful butterflies in our stomach turned black? I can't be the only one feeling this.

Where is excitement, possibilities and surprises? 

It's amazing how something so beautiful can be so painful sometimes. 

I think it's because we fear pain. Forgive me for bowing to the fear of pain.

You must not be afraid of pain to love. 

I might need to go catch some butterflies:) 

These posts lately have not been daisies, but getting real means finding change and healing.

Love Dreamer Di

Challenge: Find a new crush and turn it into a relationship :)

Word: relax 

Tips For Christmas Cards

Tips for Christmas cards:

 

The purpose of this holiday season is to show an increase of love to those around you. Christmas cards are such a fun way to show your friends in farther places that you love them and want to send them a gift. A Christmas card can go a long way.

 

Each card that I send is full of purpose, love and friendship. You receive way more than a card from me in this season. Here’s an idea of what my friends might receive:

 

* Christmas family letter: An overview of my life in the last year and what I’m excited for the next year, along with some encouragement and love.

* Mini picture of Christ with my testimony of Him on the back.

 

* Fun picture of me, and possibly my dog. :)

* Hand written personal message

* A couple surprises, which I won’t say, for some of my friends might read this! ;)

* Excitement! <3

 

Here are some tips that can help you get those cards out every season:

 

* Buy your cards for next year when the season is over and they are 80% off. I buy about 100.

*Buy Stamps throughout the year

* Create your own pictures in a “Paint” app or something equivalent and print them off as a regular picture. You can also put more than one pic on one slip and have multiple pictures for the price of one. People actually enjoy tiny things. They'll like your tiny picture. ;) here's what I'm doing this year:

* Start getting them ready in October to send out December 1^st. This gives friends a chance to also send you a card before Christmas and you stress-free!

80 ready so far :)

* Start collecting and organizing addresses in October

* Think of your purpose for your card and do what you can to portray that. Purpose ideas: Bless someone’s life? Make them feel special and loved? Friendship? So how can you get that message across to your Christmas card readers? 

Hand stamped:)

 

Benefits for doing these things:

 

*No stress in the holiday season

*You can actually enjoy people during the season

*Your budget is not “robbed” by tons of expenses during the season

*You can focus on the important things: Loving your friends and sharing your love for Christ

*You also receive Christmas cards in the mail

*When you do them early you have the time to truly express your love for your friends and family through your Christmas cards

*It's fun to be organized!

 

Hopefully this is helpful during your holiday season and your Christmas cards will be glorious. Have a blessed day. <3

 

Love Dreamer Di

 

Challenge: Send Christmas cards to your loved ones this year

 

Words: I’m happy

What Are My Dreams?

What are my dreams?

 

In a nutshell…

 

To share my life with the people I love, and that love me.

To share the ways God loves me, blesses me and brings me joy

To give openly of my talents. Free of shame, holding nothing back

To enrich life around me and enjoy what I do

To contribute love to the world

 

My hope is to radiate peace, joy, freedom, love and possibility.

 

I felt a little spark in my heart while typing that last sentence.

 

Maybe my jumpstart is closer than I thought.

 

Love Dreamer Di

 

Challenge: Have you looked at your dreams lately?

 

Word: Smile

Damaged Pieces

I’ve been thinking about what I can do to reconnect the damaged pieces in my mind. I’ve been debating making a goal, planning it, and giving it all I got. I’m not sure if it will create success or drain me?

 

I have to admit I am slightly scared to do it.

 

Man, I hate admitting that.

 

I need my mind more than ever. I feel the longer I wait,  opportunities pass by. I need my mind awake and functioning, now.

 

I’m hoping for a jumpstart, a bolt of energy to ignite the fire that once burned in my heart and soul.

 

I will search for that igniting jumpstart.

 

The cool part about this challenging time is I have never fully given up. There have been moments when just a strand of dream/hope held on, but the journey has continued.

 

 

Love Dreamer Di

 

Challenge: Do you know what jumpstarts your passion into action?

 

Word: Lemonade

 

A Tired Mind

I haven’t been able to force myself to think either. It has taken patience to wait on my mind to heal.

 

I have been debating setting a goal again. A goal slightly bigger than I think I can accomplish. I haven’t completely thrown in the towel. I have accomplished pretty cool things in this year and a half. I just had to label them as something other than a goal.

 

I feel sorry for my brain. I wish I could have prevented this from happening. But when I think about it, I am happy it happened now, instead of at the peak of my success.

 

I had to learn these hard lessons.

 

I love to work. Creation is my passion. But now I know that work, out of balance, will destroy more than it will create.

 

Love Dreamer Di

 

Challenge: Write a goal, plan it, make it doable, do it. 

 

Words: Baby Toe

(I first wrote spinal fluid, but then I thought how gross that was. Haha)

 

A Dying Soul

When your soul dies, joy is hard to find.  I believe it’s because you have disconnected from your true self. I found glimpses of myself throughout time, and receive a high for just a moment, but nothing like I felt before. Going for what I loved created joy and excitement like I have never experience. I want to feel that again.

 

Over the past year and a half I have realized that it wasn’t my dream that beat me up, it was my lack of skill and knowledge.

 

I had connected the pain to dreaming. When it wasn’t my dreams fault. My nervous breakdown and inability to mentally handle anything was because of my 18-20 hour workdays, my lack of eating, running from one thing to the next, and never taking a break.  My dream button had gone into overdrive. My priorities were far off the scale.

 

I finally had figured out that I could actually accomplish everything I wanted to, so I went for it all, at once. Rookie mistake.

 

Digging myself out of this hole has not been fun, but I pray to God that it is worth it.

 

Love Dreamer Di

 

Challenge: When was the last time you felt excited? Create an exciting moment ay? 

 

Words: Badger Bum

 

 

New Chapter

My name is Diana Flammer. In my teenage years I found myself lost in a whirlwind of depression, substance abuse, with a lack of direction. I realized one day that I didn’t know who I was, what I loved or what made me happy.

 

After a lot of self-searching I found myself doing what I loved. I went for everything I loved in full force.

 

The problem was, I lacked the skills necessary to make these goals successful. I ran faster than I had strength, which brought me to a nervous breakdown mid February 2012.

 

Unfortunately, I had a dream trip scheduled February 29th, to travel all over Europe and went, even though it probably was not the wisest decision.

 

Not only did the nervous breakdown hit me at a critical point, but the next two months solidified and exposed every area I had weakness and lacked skill. This rocked my world HARD.

 

I am not the same person I was before. I was so full of hope, faith and an abundance of enthusiasm. I have been searching for these treasures, I believe they are still in me somewhere.

 

Since this experience I have been scrambling for my mind to function. I’ve been able to take care of essentials, and have those bases covered, but when it came down to anything bigger than my daily takes, I wouldn’t touch it with a stick. I remember when I came back from my trip I said, “Forget learning Spanish, forget being an author, forget traveling the world, forget going into business and forget dreaming in general. If dreaming is this hard, I want nothing to do with it.” I shut the book of dreams I had opened in my mind. My soul died that day.

 

Love Dreamer Di

 

Challenge: Have you let your dreams die?

 

Word: Valentine

 

 

Never Giving Up

There is something about never giving up.

Even when you feel your too far from where you want to be. It's amazing how you can turn towards your goal again and it still has the glimmer and excitement as before.

I am glad I have turned this day. I am going to let this flow.

I hope you never give up.

Dreamer Di

Challenge: Turn towards your dream and go for it my loves. :)

Word: Word. :)

You scared too?

Each day is a new beginning. 

I find that each morning resets the next moment, to make life better.

I've been having dreams that start my day in fear. Last week I had a dream, which shook me so bad that I couldn't even walk out my front door for hours. Fear had crippled me. It took some major focus, study and prayer to pull out of it.

Last night I had another one. I realized that I had to make a choice each morning to let it phase me, or not.

When I base my day off of fear the results  are terrible.

I'm taking today on with my head held high and focus on what's important.

I don't know why I'm being tormented like this, but I won't let it ruin my progres any longer.. 

I hope you can push through your fear. I have some learning to do, strength to gain.

Have a good day,

Dreamer Di

Challenge: Face a fear today by taking a step forward.

Word: Feather

Focus Protein

I must need more "focus protein" for my habit muscles. 

Golly George man.... I am STRUGGLING today to stay on track! All I wanna do is take a nap and not think of ANYTHING important! Fridays seem to be my hardest day to push through with excellence. I get to the end of the week and want to throw everything in the garbage disposal then start over new on Monday after a fun relaxing weekend. This Friday thing seems to be a pattern, I run out of "focus fuel" Thursdays around 5pm. I gotta find a new way to refuel myself so I finish strong Fridayafternoon...

This reminds me that I'm strengthening a "new muscle," making my habits to stick, takes work.

Kapooey. 

I'm going to go against how I feel and finish everything. If I die in the process.. I loved you... Haha ;)

Dreamer Di

Challenge: figure out how to fuel your focus

Word: cow

Preparation

WOW. The more I work on my schedule and priorities I have learned something very important:

If I want to be prepared for the future, I can't make excuses, to not do the work now.

Ex: I was distracted a couple days (5 to be exact) in the last couple weeks and didn't get all my work done, work for $ I mean... So now I am 5 days short of income and feeling the stress and having the thought. "If I only would have worked those 5 days, I would be perfectly fine, feel relaxed and peaceful right now"

This taught me a lot actually. It is more then just money I can do this for. How many times in the future will I look back and say:

"If only I would have worked out Monday-Friday and stuck to my organic diet, I would not have cancer"

"If only I would have sang everyday, I might have gotten that gig"

"If only I would have spent more time with the people I love, for they are now gone"

"If only I would have figured out what was important to me, 20 years ago, I might not have destroyed what I love.

Pretty harsh but realistic realities.

Cause no matter what, when the future/moment comes, there is no more time for preparation. You either are prepared for that moment, or your not. Gosh it burns a little doesn't it? I am finishing everything on my list today that is TRULY important to me, and feeling happy about it, then I will do it again, tomorrow. 

I am happy and feel I can do this each day that I keep trying. Routine has been so helpful for getting everything accomplished.  I'm soooo glad I learned this lesson with loosing a couple hundred dollars, instead of something far more important. Hope you can work diligently now, to not have regrets later. Much love my friends.

Dreamer Di

Challenge: let's do this together

Word: Feather :)