Friday, April 29, 2016

Mommy Dreamer, Don't Look Past The Dream You Are Already Living

Don't Look Past The Dream You Are Already Living.

This was a huge wake up call for me. Literally. It's 2:38 am and I've been up since 12:30am. My daughter is teething, 2 lower molars are just breaking their way through her bright red little gums. Poor little gal. So the last couple of days have been rough in the sleep department, for everyone involved.

I've been thinking a lot lately about how I'm supposed to accomplish things/goals when I'm so sleep deprived. Which leaves me exhausted, imbalanced etc.

As I lay here, listening to her cry, I was reminded that in this moment, I am living what I asked for. What I’ve worked for. I wouldn't give up this moment, even the crying sleepless nights. Because being a mom is such an important desire of mine, and I’m smack dab in the middle of living it. J

I admit, the mom thing had to grow on me for years and years, but by the time the moment actually came to be a mom, I wouldn't have it any other way. And I feel so blessed to have the opportunity.

In the past I would work hard for something, reach it, and be onto the next "high" of goal setting and achieving. It got to the point of "why am I doing this?" For each victory was meaningless, empty, and short lived.

If I don’t take time to enjoy the “fruit of my labors,” it isn’t worth the effort.  I’ve had to work on stopping, embracing, and enjoying the moments of success and achievement, and in this case, is being a mother.


Well, my choice of motherhood has been refining that skill of ‘enjoying your creations’ even more. For motherhood isn't a "check off the list" endeavor. You don't just give yourself a high five and move on. It's a constant opportunity to enjoy, cherish and embrace the beauty.


So what I'm getting at is, I had to be reminded that in this very moment, I am living my dreams. I am successfully achieving my destiny, my desires and my purpose at 3am, in a dark room, tired eyes, with a hurting baby who needs me. I don’t need to feel sorry for myself that there is so much resistance to ‘become something more’ than I am now.  This resistance, learning how to take care of a wee human, is the best gift I have ever received. (And my sweet hubby) I always dreamed of being a wife and mother, and a wife and mother I am. I made it. It has been created. I have reached it. I will forever be, mom, momma, mommy.

I am grateful for the reminder that I'm "livin' the dream now" for these are the things that matter. If I were to neglect these moments for future endeavors I'd be chasing the same thing I did for years (An accomplishment high) and be empty and hopeless, with a handful of regret.

Now don't get me wrong, I strive daily to create my future, dreams and desires. But having the attitude that "I've arrived/made it" "I'm living my dreams this very second" and "I'm so grateful to be here now" makes the day go a little smoother. Makes the trying moments a little less loud and long. Makes my compassion overpower the passions that might actually try to steal this moment from me.

So as dawn breaks, and little smiles wake me up bright and early. As I get another opportunity to try again, to do the best I can. As I look over plans, dreams and goals tomorrow. As I work towards new things, I hope to always remember, that these moments wont last forever. That each day I progress slowly, but the present is of great worth. So learn to enjoy today, now. For the only thing stopping the future from becoming the present, is time.

I will strive to enjoy these beautiful moments. I’ve worked hard to be here.

(P.s. She's sleeping here, next to me, in bed now. Teal owl nighty, green stuffed froggie, comforted, snuggly little body and all. My precious little dream come true.)

Momma Dreamer Di

Challenge: Look at what you can appreciate/notice in your life today that is a gift and choose an attitude of enjoyment, love and gratitude.

Word: Dependent :)

Thursday, April 14, 2016

Riding An Old Rusty Boat

The story begins in the summer of 2009. My brother Doug and my friend Albert decided to go on a hike. Since I had been in "another world" for 5-6 years and wasn’t a very good person I hadn’t developed a relationship with my brother, or even knew Him very well. So this hike was the first time me and my bro had hung out and did anything for years. So I prayed and prayed and prayed that we would have a wonderful experience together so He’d want to hang out with me again. So we drove a couple hours to a place called Willow Springs lake (Arizona), which by the way, we found NO spring anywhere. Anyway, we began to hike, me, Doug, Albert and my dog Kiwi. We had never done this hike before, yet being adventurous we started off. We saw so many cool things, I caught a lizard and he bit the crap out of my hand over and over again as I held him for a picture. We jumped rock to rock, crossed logs, found cool things and enjoyed the scenery. After a couple hours we came to a bend in the lake, after contemplation we decided to “hike around the whole lake” for it looked pretty small, how big could it be, right?

So we continued hiking another hour and we ran out of water. We hoped it wasn’t much farther as we came around a bend. Doug pulled out his phone to look at a map and to our amazement we had not realized that there was whole other side of the lake we couldn't see from our car ! We were in the middle of the horse shoe! We could see my car across the other side of the lake, yet the water was freezing so we couldn’t swim. We had to come up with a game plan. Choices were, we could hike back the way we came, 7-8 miles, still with no water and it would take us another 3 hours. Or we hike forward around the other side, which on the map was longer then the way we came, estimating close to 10 miles, which would be 4 hours, and still with no water. We were in a pickle.

            Then the real adventure began. We remembered about 20 minutes back, a abandoned metal fishing boat. We hiked back to check it out. We took off our shoes, and went out about 20 feet out from the shore line. Luckily the water was pretty shallow. The water was cold as we arrived at the boat, it was full of black mucky water, pretty disgusting and had to have been sitting there a long time. We tried tipping the boat to get the water out, rocked it back and forth and splashed some of it out, but the boat was so stinkin heavy. An older man and his wife rowed by in their canoe. He asked “Is that your boat?” In a gruff angry tone. “No it’s not” we replied with a mischievous/adventurous grin. 

So after thinking it through using much “wisdom” and thought process, ;) we all got in the boat! Kiwi was our lady on the front of the boat, I sat at the back holding our shoes and technology to keep them as dry as possible. And Doug and Albert took turns "rowing."We had one large stick/log to push off the side and one stick that we thought would pass as a paddle. We thought, “Hey, how hard could it be? We can see the car. We’ll just float right on over to it.” WRONG!

So we leave the shore. The wind and current have a different idea. It starts to bring us over to where we want but then changes course and brings us to the middle of the lake. Once in the middle of the lake we realized how crazy we were, getting into that old nasty boat and going afloat! There could have been anything in the black mucky water, diseases, more fishing hooks (Which we had already found a couple), a homeless man? (Ha jk) And there could have been holes all though it! We might have sunk!! ha The so called “rowing” stopped and we laughed hysterically for a good 5 mins. I'm sure it echoed for miles!

Now in the middle of the lake, the same older man came by and said “Do you think that was the best idea?” “It's a little late now sir!” I said with a smile.

The boat soon took us over to a bank and we tied the boat off and hopped out onto dry land. We put out shoes back on and started hiking. The boat probably took off a good 8 miles and a couple hours of hiking. We still had a distance to go but we were closer! Our path came to a dam which we had to climb down the one side and back up the other to get over it. We then jumped a large chain link fance and BAM! We were back to my car and had an awesome story to tell! Such a fun moment!

Since then my brother and I have become best friends and love spending time with each other. I asked for the Lord to make this a wonderful memorable experience, and he DID! :)