Tuesday, March 8, 2016

5 Evidences That God Exists

I'm doing the LDS family services 12 step addiction recovery program (For emotional eating) and today I learned a lot from a question in step 2. Step 2 is titled: Hope.

"Many witnesses in heaven and in earth testify of God's existence. What evidences of God and his love have you experienced?"

Here's my condensed thoughts.

God exists because I am free

In June, 2016,  I'll be clean 8 years from my substance abuse, dark, destructive past. God exists because, through the healing atonement, I am clean. I am free. I have been released from bondage. And God freed me. There was no other way.

God exists because I still have purpose

Even after royaly messing up time and time again, he still believes in me, encourages me, inspires me, and has a message he wants me to share. I am not too far gone to be used for his purpose. This is hard to comprehend, because I know my weaknesses better than anyone, but it is continually evident that he wants my help. I am honored and reverenced, for God must contain more mercy and understanding than I can imagine.

God exists because he gave me a happy family 

I have a wonderful husband and beautiful daughter because of healing and forgiveness. My story could have been very different/opposite. But God showed me another way, and how to get out. 

God exists because I can see his love 

After all we can do, we still fall short. But it is in the daily tender mercies that I see his love the most. In times when I'm discouraged, feel weak or alone, those moments Gods words and promises are what keep me going. It is in the hope of God that my feet keep moving and my heart keeps beating love.

His love is around me, but it is up to me to open my eyes, see it, and appreciate it.

God exists because he has a purpose for you

If God can use me, even after all the times I disobeyed and dishonored him, He can use you. He has a purpose for you. Search for it, He will show you.

In case you were wondering if God is really in your life or not. Or if you've felt you aren't loved as much as you'd like, I invite you to examine your life and open your eyes to the places of beauty, love and grace from God.

I believe God exists and loves us.

Dreamer Di

Challenge: Let yourself be loved:)

Words: Sound machine

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Thursday, March 3, 2016

2016 Leap Of Faith

As I prepared to write this blog, I opened up the scriptures and this was highlighted. "...He delivered me, because he delighted in me."
 - 2 Samuel 22:20.
I believe that.

It's amazing to realize how much I've changed over the years.

With it being leap year I wanted to make a new goal for myself. A challenge to take on and accomplish. I feel like my plate is pretty full, but I love things like this. 

As I really thought and prayed about it the focus was on making my health my priority, my leap of faith. 

I have been actively working on my health for maybe 5 years. I have changed my lifestyle and nutrition, and it's a piece of me. I do yoga, walk or exercise 4-5 times a week and miss it when I don't do it. I take care of my body far better than I had in the past. I sleep A LOT more than I use to. I am gentle, kind, and have a deep love for my body. 


There is a deeper underlying problem. I'm an emotional eater and cope emotionally with food.

This creates a dilemma.

No matter how much work I do. No matter how much effort is made, energy expelled, I need healing.

Healing for things I fell victim to. Things  I misinterpreted as a child and still do. Things I hold onto because of pain and being hurt. Things I just won't let go. 

And then forgiveness for trying to do it all on my own. Trying to protect myself with food, which doesn't make sense, but it was my my "drug" and my "god" for a while, but not anymore...

In September 2015 I started the 12 step addiction recovery program. This program has been adapted for Christians through LDS family services for people suffering from all sorts of addictions.

I happen to have found an eating disorder meeting that I attend weekly. Each person in those meetings has different struggles, but we're all there for the same purpose: We've had enough, we're searching for healing, and we're willing to go to work. 

I've used the atonement in my life for many different reasons but never connected that healing could come concerning my health and physical form. 

I was very skeptical in the beginning if this process would even work, but I chose faith, and to continue working the program until my belief grew. Each week as I study and work on pieces of the '12 steps to addiction recovery' I gain more strength and control because God is opening my eyes, showing me my triggers, giving me grace for myself and freeing me from bondage little by little. 

We (God and I) are actually getting to the root of the problem.

This program takes work, it's very humbling, takes commitment, time and soul searching, but I love it.

I am currently on step 2 and have seen so much progress and power over my weakness. I am excited to see what healing comes from working the other 10 steps as well.

Overall, the atonement has no end to what vice or struggle we may have. I know that as I continue being diligent, my freedom from bondage will come. God wants me/us to be free.

If you are struggling with addiction, or unhealthy coping, of any kind, I invite you to come to Jesus, your Savior. 

Will power will not heal me. But the power of my Savior, will.

Dreamer Di

•Trust He can deliver you from bondage.
•Follow what he tells you to do, to be free.

Words: We can do this

Photo from Christart.com

Tuesday, March 1, 2016

The First Leap Of Faith

Leap year is a special time for me. :) My hope is, that as you read this, your perspective about your desires, dreams and designing your life is enlightened.

Four years ago, February 29, 2012, I left on a grand adventure to achieve a dream. It may not seem like a big deal to most people, but it was huge for me.

At the end of 2011 I was in a fight. I questioned if God wanted me to dream or do anything that I desired. At this point in time, I had been very diligent in following his directions as closely as possible and I fought the belief that I was just a servant and that my desires needed to be disregarded, didn't matter, there was no time, or he didn't care what my heart called for. So during this time I had a lot of really detailed conversations with him. I wrote for hours, talked to him out loud and really poured out my soul about wanting to live an awesome adventurous life full of travel, loving people, and excitement.

November 27th, 2011 journal entry: "I want to live the Life of faith, not just talk about it."

At the end of November I didn't know if it was possible, still didn't have anyone to go with me, didn't know how I'd make it happen, or what the plan was, but I booked the ticket to London England. A one way ticket, at that.

My leap of faith on leap year!  was so excited.

I prepared all the ways I knew was possible. (I have now learned that the things I was doing were not what it took to make a successful trip)

And, because of doing a million things to "prepare for my trip" and living on pure adrenaline, I found myself in a nervous break down 2 weeks before I left. (Who knew 3-4 hours of sleep a night  for 3 months could do that, right? -Sarcasm) So here I was, about to move across the world, by myself, for my first time ever, with no plan and nothing familiar, and I could barely function. My brain was fried, body was fried, but I left anyway. I had to dream and do it. 

So on leap year, February 29th, 2012 I took my leap of faith and left to explore Europe. It was definetly an adventure. ;)

I'm pretty sure I prayed more during that 2 month trip than I had in the last year. I was scoping out new territory and learning traveling skill sets yet I was handicapped by my exhausted mind and body. I needed help.

There were so many highlights and beautiful times on that trip, but also intense times of struggle. 

This trip exposed every weakness I had. Lack of planning, preparation, money management, time management, balance, huge lack of sleep and taking care of myself etc. 

I came back from this trip feeling betrayed and that God, especially, had betrayed me. 

I couldn't understand why it had been such a hard trip, when dreaming was suppose to be the most amazing thing, and something people intensely desired. I  remember feeling "Forget traveling the world, forget being a writer, forget wanting a family! Etc. If dreaming is this hard, I want nothing to do with it!!"

I did not understand why God had forsaken me and left me to crash and burn on "the trip of my dreams." And especially the first time I tried trusting him and dreaming!!! :/

Little did I know, he was preparing me for so much me:)

So over the next couple years I worked diligently to try and put my life back together. My passion had dampened, my identity destroyed, I was tired and angry. I was still faithful and believed, but I had a bone to pick with God for a good while. I knew I had to find some understanding on why this happened, and hopefully turn it into something for my benefit, not destruction.

I was weak and wounded, but I had to keep moving. There had to be more. So, with all my lovely weaknesses exposed, that's where I started…

I drilled routine and balance. I asked God lots of questions about what I needed, and what I needed to learn, and he told me. A lot of these skills came against/were opposite of some of the best parts of my personality: Going with the flow, and letting things slide off my back, letting the wind blow me, and enjoying that, were now replaced with focuses on structure, routine, strict budget, and higher standards. I was desperate to learn the skills I so desperately lacked in.

For example:  
- I figured out how much money I needed for the month and cut my income down to exactly that. This forced me to live on a strict budget and to use my resources wisely. ***I since have become more minalist minded.
- I found jobs to work from home. Oh my goodness. If you would like to learn discipline, time management, balance and routine, start working from home. Again, this forced me to know where every minute of my time was going. Bed time was a must, exercise helped me focus, certain work hours in the day, choosing not to get distracted, and setting boundaries with myself and others I lived with and loved. *** I since love and thrive on time management/structure and balance/peace are accomplished often. (Still have a long way to go!)

I mean, I dove head first into learning these things, in whatever way possible, rash or not!

This was a very difficult time for me, but after a couple years I started to see a little light at the end of the tunnel.

I was real reluctant to start dreaming and goal setting...

But since, I have dreamed again. :) 

To be honest, the first time I "dreamed again" was about getting married in May 2014. I trusted, had faith, exercised energy, planned, commited and moved forward.

Which then led to another beautiful thing… then another. Goals and dreams awoke again. Working in Alaska for the summer with my new husband at a wilderness lodge, planning trips for friends to come visit there, loving all the details and using strategy to make the trips awesome. Getting pregnant. Traveling through 5 countries in Europe and it was successful and fun. Finding the exact living arrangements we were looking for. Me personally, paying cash for the water birth of my little girl in a birth center. (Money management) These are just a couple special ones to me.

My dreaming is wiser, strategic and directed now.

Instead of starting 20 projects, I start one. I sleep, I work on balance, enjoy the moment and enjoy people. A daily work in progress, but the efforts are there.

My mind is still not back to same place as before my nervous break down, I am still fighting some doubts about dreaming from this experience, I am still building upon my passion, belief, and determination, but I wouldn't take back this experience for anything. This challenging experience has moulded me into more than I ever could have become without it!

With time I have learned that God does want me to dream. He does want me to go/work for the things in my heart that I most desire. That trip gave me an opportunity to be humbled and then be teachable to the skills needed to make my dreams and desires possible. With these new skills I can take an idea and create it, so it happens, and it happens well. Each time I step out to achieve something, I learn and gain more knowledge. I love that. For I know that future dreams will take more effort, skill and energy. I am happy I'm learning and will be prepared for when they come.

I now also believe that God is on my side to help my life be fun, exciting and adventurous. He is there to counsel, guide, and open/close doors for me.

I have learned that a lack of planning, a lack of preparation and a lack of skill does not make dreams come true, but it doesn't always have to be that way. ;)

I have learned that consistent peaceful action pays off.

Life has it's struggles, somedays more than others, but overall, I am happy and believe that it's possible to design my life and dream.

Dreamer Di

- Think of something you want, write down some ideas of how to make it happen.
- If you're not sure how to make it happen: Ask someone who has a track record of achieving goals and dreaming of how to map out a to do list.
- Then commit to your goal, and follow directions. :)

Words: Spanish dancer

Dressing up for the Feria, an event I had dreamed of experiencing since I was 5 years old. The entire town of Sevilla shuts down for an entire week to celebrate their culture. No work, no school, just celebrating! We happened to be there opening night! Everyone dresses up in traditional Spanish attire. The women wear a different flamenco dress everyday and the streets are lined with so much beauty. It was the most amazing experience. This was a gift to be there.

Paris France

Riding the buses in London England. Teddy came to join me at this point. :)

Bikes around Buckingham Palace.

Even did an at home concert for guests. Happened to be on my birthday too:)

Beauty of England :)

Lock bridge, Paris France