Monday, April 16, 2012

Disconnecting, letting go of security.

How do you feel about “what if’s?” Teddy and I are going through our things and organizing them, again. We are laughing hysterically at some of the things we brought 'just in case.' Haha “I brought.. bug spray…!” –Teddy.  For we have never done a trip like this before so we brought every disaster idea necessary to be 'ok.'
I am debating getting rid of more of my clothes and possibly my rain jacket and umbrella. This could be a bad idea, for weather has been pretty unpredictable, but I really don’t want to have to carry it…. I am seriously debating if I need all this, crap… ha
I feel like I am learning to disconnect from stupid things like… things.. Seriously, it’s all just stuff.
Sometimes planning for the “what if’s” is just hauling a bunch of crap around, emotional or substance… haha I might take some risks and get rid of some things. ;)
I am going to see what life offers when you don't have every second and idea planned. I'm kinda scurrred, but excited at the same time.
Words of the moment: Happiness and You're purdy. ;)
Challenge: What can you throw away today!!?
Dreamer Di

Freaking let go mayne!

The best fresh fruit drinks in a Barcelona Market, for 1euro!

I realize the beginning of my trip sucked because I was trying to work on too many things at once. I had emails I was constantly writing, lists of people to continue to build a relationship with, expectations this, continue this process that, bed times, eating and money spending restrictions. Which all are wise and end goals of how I want to live my life, but I had gotten WAY too serious. Leaving NO time for true enjoyment.

I have been doing this for the past year or so, running myself to the ground and letting so much beauty pass me by. Did I accomplish a lot? Yeah, I guess, but not only did I not stop to smell the roses, but I stomped on a couple.

I've decided to drop all my "busy" expectations and the last 3 days have been awesome and enjoyable. I let go, such a relief.

It's nice to laugh and be goofy again. I also enjoyed being dramatic and making Teddy jump a whole bunch of times, which I'm learning she's quite reactive!! haha Which means fun for me!!! I forgot what a hoot is was to rile people up a bit.

I've decided to dedicate this next season of my life to fun. Get back to my roots of hysterical laughter, pranks and jokes and letting things roll off me.

Word of the Day: Cowhide

Challenge: Pull a prank on someone you know, or glue a coin to the ground and daydream of peoples reactions!!! haha

Funny note: Teddy and I walked around and spoke with deep men voices in spanish, then realized we probably could be offending some people... So we changed to a manly whisper... ;) haha

Weirdest/worst thing I've smelt lately: HUNDREDS of hanging pig legs!!! YUCK!

Rock on lovers,
Dreamer Di

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Testing, Testing, one, two, three

Testing, testing, one, two, three, do I really want my dreams? I’m being tested more than even before, I appreciate I am given a choice if I want these dreams or not. If there wasn’t a struggle to get there, it wouldn’t be worth it in the end.
The past couple weeks I have been debating if I really want these things I have desired for years. For now that I’m doing exactly what I have wanted, I realize how much work this all will take. Am I willing to take a risk, for something more?
I have always pushed on, continued to move. But these goals are bigger than I’ve ever dreamed, much more work, much more dedication and taking more strength.
I also am grateful. Tests prepare me to act more efficiently in the future. What to do and not to do. Getting past my first experience of world travel I will be educated, to do it again, but in style.
I am finding clothes I love here, interestingly enough they are all from India. :) The more I find the more it makes me want to go to India, I will definitely plan more than I have on this trip. Haha
I left, wanting to “Be free.”  I left with the idea of what freedom was, and now, my outlooks have changed, and I know how to be prepared next time. I like the way I learn, by experience, it is not the easiest, to be straight up, it completely sucks sometimes.. ha But yet, I still continue to learn this way. It gives me a full perspective which I appreciate, for I like to understand. How do you learn?
Words of the day: Lollypop, consistency
Challenge: Make yourself laugh for 2 straight mins, even if you have to fake it, your subconscious can not tell the difference, real or fake, and you mood will suddenly lift. ;)
Have a beautiful rocking day,
Dreamer Di

Friday, April 13, 2012

Get up and start again.

Waking up in a new day, you look back at the moments the day before. You can't help but laugh, cry and love the times you've lived through. Times when life feels so hard, are the times you really need people. I am so blessed by the wonderful people around me.

My hardest days have come when I am exhausted. Almost like my defenses are down, I have been working on getting more sleep the last year and these days have lessoned. So getting little sleep the last 2-3 nights then hauling my stuff to train stations, metro stations then up and down Spainish steep hills, I was exhausted. All of my elements have been stretched.

I have hard days when I have wanted to curl up in a ball and not want to go on. But I had hardly ever told anyone and just tried to deal with it myself. But yesterday I tried it, I let the world know I was struggling. People responded, I feel better today becuase of the love that surrounded me in a hard time. This is the love I have sown for.

It is interesting that when we are in our hardest times, that is when love is shines the brightest. I've decided not to run away from the light and warmth of love, even when a dark hole is what's "comforted" me in the past.

Words of the day: Get up, and start again.. ;)

Challenge: Who can you love today?

I love you,
Dreamer Di

Thursday, April 12, 2012

I feel like I've been punked..

To be straight up with you, this trip has not been what I expected. It is hard, long, stressful, and a TON of work. Teddy and I both have been wondering when the "refining process" the "stretching period" the "I'm out of my comfort zone but now I'm ok" will pass.

From having to find our way around city streets where we do not speak the same language, maps the size of a car to try to find the right direction, carrying all our things with us and so many logistics etc. It literally has stretched us to the core.

The Lord told us we could dream, we belived Him and jumped. I just don't know how much more we can give. We left everything we had, quit our jobs, left all structure, left eveything comfortable, everything we loved, and took a leap of faith. We thought that the actual leap would be the hardest part, but the stress and hard times have continued.

Gosh, was all this worth it? I could have stayed home and found another way to feel like this, without having so many pieces to put back together when I return.

I am begining to wonder if all this work is worth it. I thought all my work before this trip would be enough to "pay and effort" for the fun and adventure I wanted. I have been out here 43 days. How long will it take?

I have wanted to travel since a child. I have wanted to explore the world and different cultures. I have wanted to live my dreams to also show you you can too. But at the moment my experience of dreaming isn't a positive note. At the moment I can not be an advocate for dreaming. I am hoping this outlook with change.

This isn't what I bargined for.

Words of the day/Challenge: Can you please pray for Teddy and Mine enjoyment while on this trip? We have worked so hard to be here, doing what we have always dreamed. We would appreciate your help.

Love Dreamer Di

Monday, April 2, 2012

Do you feel you're heard?

Forgive me my dear friends for my lack of writing. My brain has been quite busy in thought, processing and healing. I want you to know that I love you. I really want you to succeed and reach for the things you truly desire. I am going to be honest with you. What you want might not always be the easiest road. For this trip has stretched me in many areas and I have had lots of silent moments to ponder. The Lord has really taken me in and is slowly helping my mind expand to be able to hold the blessings He has in store for me. This has not been the most comfortable thing I have experienced and to be honest there has been moments when I wanted to quit and go back to my comfortable, happy, perfect life. Just as I had it. But, the reason I took this leap of faith was because I believe there is more than what is right outside my front door and I can really have it.

My heart is being stretched to trust the Lord will provide a way for me to achieve my goals. When I trust in Him I feel peace. This has been a constant reminder when I am feeling alone or that I do not have enough, that I am in His hands and I shall not fear. I have cried so much on this trip due to fear and unknown. Which are tears I haven’t really felt or released before. But this is where I have stepped into something new, something bigger, and something wilder, Gods territory.

I have talked to God for a long time, wanting to see His adventurous wild side. For I believe He is a God of many likes and activity and I've wanted to see what He is capable of in this area. I asked in faith and ignorance at the same time. For I have now put myself in a position where He HAS to be in complete control and provision. And I didn't realize how hard it was going to be to feel so helpless and have to trust in the promises He gives me. I am having to choose to believe in His ways 100%. It is Him and I on this journey, realizing I literally might not survive without him has truly humbled me. I had thought I had trusted in Him before, but as I have left everything I have known behind me I realize there are so many other ways I can.

A couple weeks ago there was a stretch where I didn't sleep for almost 5 nights. For my mind was racing to find solutions and I was so scared because no solutions were coming that could quench my fear and need. During this time I stretched more in faith then I think I ever have. For the only person that could produce the results I needed in that small period of time was God. Let me tell you, my heart has never cried so strongly and soul pleaded for Him as I did then. For I was holding on to the promises He had gave me at the beginning of the trip and the actions I had taken, but my faith was stretched that what he promised was actually going to show up. Have you ever felt like your actions and work are in vain? I have felt this before and all I know is, I have been testing A LOT of his promises. And.... He showed up. He has taken care of my concern and I am at peace about what I was so desperately praying for. He released me from the hell I was in.

Now other things have came up since then. Other feelings and logistics that I know I cannot do on my own. But from this first experience above, he showed up, and solved my problem, and gave me hope and peace. So I will hold on to that again, that He will take care of my needs again. I am so grateful we can work together.

The reality of my dreams would be nonexistent without my Lord and Savior.

My trip has been so wonderful, I am so grateful for my beautiful abundant life. :)

Let God lead your dreams. I am living proof it is possible. He loves you and wants you to enjoy your beautiful little life. ;) Keep your head up and continue moving forward in joy. I believe in you, the hardships are for your good and I pray you find beauty in each moment. You are worth that. :) I hope all is well in your world.

I love you dearly,
Dreamer Di

Word of the day: Peaches

Challenge: I dare you to enjoy an ENTIRE day. :)