Friday, November 29, 2013

Trusting In Hope

It's so interesting.

This experience is literally forcing me to come to people, ask for help and be vulnerable.

That is not a natural quality of mine. I have always stood strong on my two feet and tried to help others stand along the way.

I have never trusted people, in their word, motives or action. I don't know where this pain and false belief comes from, but I have a feeling their about to change.

I have started reaching out to people that I THINK love me. 

I have struggled to FEEL any type of love in return from any person for as long as I can remember. 

The love I give is pure and from my heart, but it is also given in faith, for I haven't felt the results given from giving love. I can assume someone loves me, but have never felt it.

I feel this struggle has created space for my heart to receive love like I have never known.

I believe in reaping what I sow. I feel I have sowed pure love and continue to sow that love into people. I have faith that those seeds I have planted will come back to me with fruit.

Yes, it is not knowledge, but it's hope and faith that keeps me giving.

I am humbled to be at the receiving end. I don't necessarily like it here, but again, I trust the gift of love I will be receiving will be worth it.

I am seeing more love, grace, mercy, and gentleness from God than I ever have. I am blown away and grateful. As for you, I also thank you for those of you who have reached out to me in my time of need.

Talking with a good friend of mine I realized I am right in the middle of a BLAZING fire of refinement.

I am proud of that, no matter how hard it may be.

I will come out shiny and new on the other side. 

And my hope is that my ability to love and receive love will be deeper than ever before because of it. I will hold onto that thought.

Thank you for your prayers during this time.
Dreamer Di

Challenge: Let yourself be loved

Word: Hope

If you like my writing, please share. I am wanting to reach other people struggling with the same wrestle of hope and love I am. Thank you:)

Can You Help Me?

I realize I'm highly highly off focus.

I've been analyzing my actions and distraction, in its truest form, is what reeks throughout.

I'm a little nervous about the amount of work it may take to refocus. But maybe it's just as easy as "holding up the magnifying glass again," to channel the sun.

I'm am saddened by the amount of mistakes I am choosing to make right now. Decisions that may not affect my life short term, but over time, if continued, will drastically change my future.

I literally need help. 

Dreamer Di

Challenge: Can I ask for you to pray for me? I'm at a critical point right now.

Word: SOS

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Actual Love Vs. Movie Love

I realize that doing things differently than most people is ok.

I feel I am a romantic person, loyal and a good friend.

I am so blessed that I do not watch TV and am very selective with movies. My ability to love and expectations of love are not fantasies, but are are based off what my heart truly feels and not a regimen or agenda created by some unknown cyber wannabe love goddess.

Why would I want to set myself up with unrealistic expectations, fears or judgements by watching love stories of others, fictional or not, to determine mine? 

Doesn't sound smart to do so..

I have a very good friend of mine that I have loved for quite some time. I realize I don't have to make it hard for this man, play games or "play hard to get." It just comes down to straight up honest communication. Not being afraid to be open and lay it all on the table.

I want to learn what love is from the true source. I believe that the essence of love is inside each of us. We are blessed to have the divinity of God inside of us. He is the giver of true love. And to Him I will go to find that love and how to give it to another.

It's interesting, the more I mess up and feel like I'm failing, the more I turn to God. During these times I have felt the Lords love even more.

I have really struggled to like people for a long time. It started to bother me that I never trusted people and could never fully connect with anyone. 

I wanted to learn how to truly love people.

I have been working on this for years and the fruit has been beautiful. I still feel I have a long way to go, to truly deeply love people around me, but I wouldn't trade the wonderful emotions I have felt for each person along the way. Love is becoming real, and a piece of me.

In romantic love, I believe friendship is the deepest quality needed. For when things get tough it is the deep bond of helping each other that keeps things together. It's in those moments of serving each other, because you love that person for who they are, not by how they look, perform or fail, but because you love them and would do anything for them.

I believe true love takes work, patience, understanding, communication, belief, God and time. 

I believe that the more you give true love, the more your ability to receive that same love grows, and maybe more than you gave.

Gosh, I pray you and I can be filled with actual love.

Why not create a love story of your own?
Love Dreamer Di

Challenges: 1. Give love to someone today and see what fruit grows from serving another.
2. Continue open communication with God to help you find the love inside of you. 

Words: My heart is full

I'd love for you to like or comment about love you've felt. Also, feel free to share this blog post if you agree. :)

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Our Silly Self

I crack myself up sometimes.

I have been having to make a lot of important decisions lately.

It's funny that we make things so much more complicated than they really are. 

I was in such deep thought yesterday about a decision. Life or death type of thing. Ha I really thought through each aspect and knew that making this hard decision would change my life forever.

After this long day of thinking I ended the day with the most simple thought and solution. 

This option was a lot easier than anything I had ever thought. 

The decision came down to standing up for who I am, what I want, and not being afraid to... Realizing I don't owe anyone anything, no matter how nice they are to me. If they aren't what I want, or the situation is not what I want, then why get myself stuck into something?

I won't... Ha

There is so much freedom in trusting in God and making decisions with him. 

My response is a little "ballsy," and different than I have given before.. But that's where new results happen, in trying something new..

I'm finding it's quite exhilarating to stand up for yourself. 

Enjoy your day,
Dreamer Di

Challenge: Are there places you could stand up for yourself better?

Words: Water bowl

Friday, November 22, 2013

One... Last... Time...

You seriously never know what your breaking point can be.

You can think you are doing so well with patience in an area until you get put in a situation where you're tested, you fail MISERABLY and you find you were more on the edge than you thought. 

I heard a cool thought at a conference a couple weekends ago.

"What if you only had to ask one more time."

This made me cringe, want to swear, possibly roll my eyes; yet it gave me one... more… drop of hope. I feel like I am at my last leg in a couple areas and to be honest, I have thrown in the towel on a couple of them. And not just thrown it down but have stomped on that towel and have debated flushing it down the toilet or burning it.

I don't know if I'm mad or happy that I pick up the towel every time I throw it down.

I think it's gotten more annoying to have to pick it up so often.

So gosh freaking stinking dang. I'll ask one…. more… time…

So many excuses go through my head. Pooey to all of them.

The only thing I truly have to hold on to is that God will hold up his end of the deal, in so many areas. 

Will He have complete grace with me? Fill in all the gaping holes I fail to fill? Will He come through on everything He's promised me? Is what He said possible?

I have trusted Him this far. I'm willing to pick up the towel one.. more.. time...

*grumble grumble* I want a new towel. 

Love Dreamer Di

Challenge: Pick up the towel again and continue to trust God has you, loves you and wants what's best for you.

Word: Possibility

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Practice The Craft

Possibility tastes so wonderful doesn't it?

I've been working hard for years for certain results and ideas. They are starting to pop out of the ground like little plants. 

It's definitely been a challenge, and the incubation period has been longer than I expected, but I have never given up on those little leafs showin their sweet sweet faces. 

I've always wanted to do what I love. I have worked hard to train my mind and create circumstances to do what I love. Each moment gets easier to do so and it's exciting to wake up and produce income doing your passion. 

I have never waited for a degree, qualification, or piece of paper to tell me in good at something. I've just done it. 

Since I practice my craft and love it, my skill is increasing daily. I'm learning how to give people what they want, and make every penny they give me worth it for THEM. In doing so MY worth is increasing. It's kinda fun:)

Enjoy your circumstances.

What's your craft? :)

Dreamer Di

Challenge: Have faith in the little seed of your passion. Continue to nurture it. It'll sprout. :)

Word: Pillow

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Empowered And Movin'

I feel like I needed to update you.

I am feeling more empowered than ever. I feel like I'm learning how to create no matter my circumstances.

In the last week I finished a bunch of projects, created movement and learned a lot.

I realize that finishing something just means doing it. Ha sounds so simple but I think we procrastinate some many things. 

I love changing bad habits into new, true and result-making habits.

I feel empowered, strong and determined today. 

I'm moving forward in joy, DECISION and love today.

Hope you have decided to do the same.
Thanks for reading.

Love Dreamer Di

Challenge: Decide what you want and do it:)

Word: Gypsy ;)

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Gods Response

You know, I am proud of myself today.

I have continued on with my routine today as before. Yes, I have a couple new hiccups and extra things added to my list to clean up the mess from Saturday, but I can move freely today.

The past three days I have had to take extra care of myself. Slept a lot more, slowed down and gave myself time to process. I am so blessed to be self employed so I CAN take that time to heal and rest.

I believe I can move freely today because I have let go and forgiven. I did a lot of writing yesterday and seemed to process well and find peace. I'm so happy I have been able to let go of blame and holding pain in. I have let go because I trust God and let him help me.

I turned to him right away.

I didn't know if he'd want to talk to me after what happened, but I was surprised by his response. He was gentle, He was loving, He was kind. Here's a piece of what He said:

"My dear sweet Diana. I am not mad at thee. Your choices do come with consequences, but you have the power to work through them. I am not here to condemn you at this time, but here to love you. I know your heart, I know thou art good. Mistakes from the natural man happen. Continue to study my word that you may be protected in the future. Continue to take care of yourself and sleep. For is keeps you level headed. I am with you. I will never leave you. Thank you for coming to me right away after your decision.  Yes, you have made a mistake, but I give you another chance. Every instance can be used for your good. 

Come to me, ask of me, follow me."

I am at peace and encouraged.

Love Dreamer Di

Challenge: Come to God in your challenges. Ask Him to show you He loves you. He will. :)

Word: Comfort

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

You And I Both

I've wanted to write you for a while but I've slightly been in a whirlwind.

I'm being tested hardcore. Some I'm passing with flying colors, others I'm failing, falling like a dead bird. 

It sucks to fall, but it also shows me that good is to come. My belief that in order to get promoted to the next level you must be tested and tried. 

I love change, I can't get enough of it sometimes. I am happy where I'm at but am always moving forward because I believe there is more.

I took a hit Saturday night that had the possibility of decapetating my progress, or giving me momentum. I have chosen to let it spur me into creation and purpose even more than before. 

This moment alone has created a new level of seriousness which I have never tasted.

Determination to succeed, persistence to continue digging deeper for healing, and a stronger fight against the enemy of my soul.

Healing creates power. And power, strength and wisdom am I gaining. 

And you know what I'm going to do with that wisdom? SHARE IT.

Love Dreamer Di

Challenge: Don't be afraid of your faults and weaknesses. Search them out, come to God to heal you. You then will stand victorious, powerful and free.

Words: Do it.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Crush talk

The possibility of a crush, a spark is so beautiful. I feel we shut it down more often than not.

Have the bright colorful butterflies in our stomach turned black? I can't be the only one feeling this.

Where is excitement, possibilities and surprises? 

It's amazing how something so beautiful can be so painful sometimes. 

I think it's because we fear pain. Forgive me for bowing to the fear of pain.

You must not be afraid of pain to love. 

I might need to go catch some butterflies:) 

These posts lately have not been daisies, but getting real means finding change and healing.

Love Dreamer Di

Challenge: Find a new crush and turn it into a relationship :)

Word: relax