Saturday, October 22, 2016

My Sweet Hubby

As some of you know, I'm in full time school. When being a wife, momma and doing a little business on the side, it is doable, but can be a lot.

Yesterday I prepped a lot of food and didn't have a lot of time to clean up. Then today I spent the morning loving Olivia, then during her nap time I painted some art for the Art Boutique I'm apart of November 12th. Then went straight to my moms house/work to work as her assistant and do a music program for the elderly folk there. I had enough time to run Olivia home, spend 20 mins with James and leave to class at 5:30 for my 6-10 life coaching class. 

Needless to say, I had no time to clean up very much. 

I get home at 10:20pm to find James has cleaned the kitchen, he prepped breast fast for himself (overnight oatmeal) Olivia is sleeping peacefully and him in bed early himself. I melted in appreciation.

I was feeling a little bad that I was falling short of what I want to offer as a wife. 

On my drive home I was trying to decide between spending the next half hour talking with God (which I feel I need) or doing the dishes. Looks like God had an idea and inspired my husband to help. :)

James is the biggest blessing to me. He is so good with Olivia and has been watching her 3-4 times a week in the evenings, feeding her dinner, loving her and putting her to bed. I am full of so much gratitude. :) 

James, I love you and appreciate you so immensely. God bless you. 

Off to write:) 

Love Dreamer Di

Thursday, October 13, 2016

Humble Pie

I ate a piece of humble pie tonight. 

Actually, more like 5/6 pieces. One incident after the other put me in my place that I have to work to be good at something and that when I'm learning I make a lot of mistakes. This has been my lesson in each area/skill I entertain, practice and desire. I've had to work my butt off for each one, and with time I adjust little by little and get better at it.  

I embraced this humble pie tonight though, which I was proud of myself. This was as raw as I have felt in a long time. As imagined, it was uncomfortable, but a feeling of peace still was in me.

I also could have kept my mistakes to myself, but I voiced them because I truly want to learn the best efficient way of doing something..... (A couple only to my teacher, the majority was discussed as a class) Humble pie. Humble pie. 

It wasn't pretty, but it was productive. 

I'm in a life coaching course and tonight was my first time coaching someone I didn't know. 

I caught myself feeling very unorganized and nervous about how it was going to go. I admit I hadn't done any mental or "supplies" preparation for the session. My day was really busy and it just hadn't crossed my mind. I need that prep time or I'm a mess. 

In the beginning it was evident I lacked confidence, flow and ability to fully communicate what I would have liked to. It got better as the session progressed. Humble pie.

I'm learning.. 

Then as the evening continued, the humble pie served up another bite. 

I also had the chance to observe another student. I realized her coaching method was very different from mine. (Which made me uncomfortable with it) 

Expressing my observations in private, my teacher was very bold with me and I vulnerably wore my mistakes, misunderstandings, misinterpretations, naiveness on my sleeve.This was really challenging for me to do.  But why did I do it, cause I want to actually learn. 

Then, I had misheard a direction from the teacher and made a suggestion during another students session, as an observer. During class discussion about all of our sessions I honestly expressed my mistake. It turned into a whole class discussion of how what I did disrupted things, was the wrong thing to do, and the teacher had me explain why I did what I did and what I had observed in that moment. Then the coach shared her experience of when I intervened in her session, and many classmates made comments too. I put ice cream on that piece of Humble pie. Haha ;)

I was surprised how still, and not ashamed, I was during all these moments though. I knew I was learning a new skill, so I was going to suck at it in the beginning, but it still was hard. 

Then, to put the cherry on the top I then had the opportunity to go over my evaluation from my client and my ratings were probably the lowest in my class. I licked the pie tin and utensils clean...

There were actually a couple more pie moments, but I'll stop where I have. 

I write tonight as an encouragement to not be afraid of the humble pie moments in your life, but to embrace them, for that is how you can truly and rapidly learn and grow.  

I could have kept my thoughts, mistakes and insecurities to myself, but I didn't. I expressed, then ate my pie in peaceful "stretching" silence. 

Tonight was an obvious pattern of events. I personally need to write about it to fully understand the lessons tonight. 

Being honest about where you're at can be hard sometimes. But I know with time I'll get better. 

Love Dreamer Di

Challenge: Don't be afraid to express your weakness. Do it in peace. 

Words: Strawberry Rhubarb 

Wednesday, October 5, 2016

Safety In Exploring Dark Pasts

I've been an emotional eater for more than 20 years, and I am trying something different. I recently finished the questions in Step 4 of the Addiction Recovery Program. I am doing the program to learn how to cope differently instead of using food, and learning how to lean on Christ instead of eating. I have worked a lot on my health and am very proactive, daily, and have come a LONG way, but my emotional eating has been a vicious cycle and has given me lots of resistance and problems. 
The problem with being an emotions eater is:
1. We must eat to survive as a human, so you can't just abstain... 
2. When we do 'emotionally eat' we get upset at ourselves and feel bad that we're stuck in this cycle. And then with these negative emotions, how do we cope? With the coping mechanism we have learned and practiced for years: EATING. See the nasty cycle?
Step 4 is about truth. It is about finding the reasons why we act, believe and do certain things, especially the negative habits. Part of this step is to write a "Fearless Written Inventory". Which means you go through the different parts of your life and find those experiences that have molded your ways of thinking and actions, what you felt, what you can learn from them, and what God has to say about them. Needless to say, it has felt like a daunting task. 
My thoughts and excuses we're quite logical: "I can't add another huge task to my to-do list." "I don't have time to dive into my past and pull up an old feeling, and deal with it" "I don't know HOW to do an inventory" (<--This was my biggest one) But it kept coming back to me to do it. God was poking me and i'm lucky to have a sponsor (Whom I email each night) who has helped remind me to keep moving forward and to stay "plugged in" to the program.
I have answered the questions in step 4 but have done very well in avoiding the inventory, until yesterday.

As I step into this process of digging deep into the dark places of my souls there is pain, misunderstandings and wounds. I have done plenty healing work before, and it has helped in so many ways/areas, but I have struggled with my "shell" -my excess weight- and emotional eating/coping for a long time. Even all the therapy/healing work I've done in the past, I'm still here. I'm still struggling. So this little vision, below, gave me hope and courage to move forward and start the process of digging, safely. 

I am currently in a year program in school (Mind-Body Wellness Practitioner- Holistic Nutrition, Life coaching, Hypnotherapy @SWIHA) and I had my first day of my Life Coaching program. We did a listening exercise and each student had a card with a picture of a hat. One classmate asked me the question: "If this hat was magic and you could be anything you wanted, what would you be?" 

The hat was a miners hat with a headlamp on the front of it. My first impression was I would be an explorer in a cave. My imagination opened up. Because I had the light, I wasn't really scared, except for maybe a little anticipation/excitement in my chest. With the light on my hat I could also use both hands to navigate through the cave and crevices. It was very helpful. 

The cave was a little cold and wet but I started going through the dark places, finding gems and precious things. (Which I was excited about because I'm doing my first Art Boutique next month, and I would "use" these items in my art. ha) I continued to climb until I came to a hole, just big enough for me to drop through. (Don't worry, I could see the floor of where I was jumping to) I slid into the hole and found a little row boat and a pool of water that seemed to lead somewhere. I shielded my headlamp and could see a faint light in the distance. 
I rowed the boat towards the light, feeling adventurous and curious. Upon reaching the light I came to an opening and rowed up to the edge of the bank. The rocks around my feet in the shallow water were a bright green and turquoise  (Which yes, I did pick some up for my crafts) 

(I left the boat for another explorer who dares enter the dark cave and water.)

As I climbed up over the ledge I could see beautiful green trees and a beautiful green lush meadow with purple, yellow and pink flowers. It was so beautiful!! (Nature is my favorite place that fills my soul) I felt so much joy, peace, gratitude and beauty. I was so happy to be there! I laid in the grass for a while, basking in the moment and sunshine.

The bam, I snapped out of it as the teacher said the 3 minutes was up, to switch partners, and the experience was over.

Ok so here is the symbolism:

I knew as I was explaining/telling this story to my partner that it was the Lord giving me the last bit of trust/courage I needed to start this adventure of healing and to move forward with my inventory.

I don't have to be afraid to step into the dark cave, for I know there is happiness , peace, an adventure and beautiful scenery on the other side. Along the way I will find pieces of my soul, "precious gems" that have been hidden in these "scary" places. That sounds exciting to me.

I am comforted by the light that is illuminating my path. It symbolizes Christ in his gentle guidance and direction.  I feel like I am safe and have a bubble of peace around me. I wouldn't want to go through these caves without the light of Christ on my explorers hat. By doing so I could trip, fall, or severely hurt myself. Good thing I don't have to do that. 

I see now that this process can be an freeing escapade if I trust in the Light and follow my instincts (God's direction) as I step carefully through this cave. I like the sound of that.

I realize now, the water was dark and possibly deep, but God gave me a boat so I didn't have to tread through cold, dark, nasty, unknown water. (what creature could be in there?! AH! gives me the heebie geebies)  But instead, I was dry, comfortable and safe inside my little wooden row boat. Again with the light guiding my way and an exit/release ahead.

I feel it symbolizes how my healing process will be. Yes, I will have to crawl through thin crevices, climb over rough walls and maybe get a couple scrapes and my feet a little wet. But falls will be prevented and I don't have to swim in past thoughts, ideas, pains and sorrows. Yes, I might look at them from the surface, but I don't have to be engulfed in them.

This is the atonement process.

Finding healing through the Lord, our troubles are lighter, we process faster, and are protected in the mean time. I have experienced this a lot in my healing work over the years. In my vulnerability and desire to heal, I must trust the Lord and have courage to go places I haven't. Christ is the only true safe place I have found.

So yes, I am willing to go through this cave with my explorers hat on, because now I see that I'll make it through and beauty is on the other end. Life is an adventure, right? ;)

Love Dreamer Di

Ps. I do not recommend someone traveling into a cave by themselves under any circumstance... Except in your mind. haha Play it safe dreamers. :)

If you are struggling with fears, doubts, anxiety, insecurities, addictions, or letting go of the past --contact me, and we can set up a 'Freedom Fighter Therapy' session.

If you want to look into the program yourself, for any topic: https://addictionrecovery.lds.org/?lang=eng

Challenge: Bring your healing to Christ. He will help you. :)

Words: Peaceful, Belonging

Thursday, September 29, 2016

Enjoy Life's Simple Beauties

It's really fun to see the leaves falling off the trees here.

My baby is napping. I'm all alone and have the doors/windows open and a hot cup of camomile tea. I hear the leafs blowing down the street (heavenly), wind chimes and the occasion neighborhood noise. It is cloudy, so it might rain. These are moments I cling to. :)

It's better in person:)

I'm in Utah visiting some friends and family and I've been home alone with my baby the last couple days while my brother works.

We don't have a car so it has been enjoying the atmosphere and just relaxing. We did watch 3 hours of Pooh Bear movies so I could get a project done... Haha but hey, you do what you have to do sometimes. 

This is what I worked on yesterday: 
Cool huh? This one is huge! I was accepted into my first art boutique, and dream catchers are on the list:)

Anyway, as I watched the yellow leafs fall outside my heart filled with so much gratitude and joy to be experiencing this simple yet indescribably beautiful moment. 

I wouldn't know how beautiful a moment was unless I traveled often. 

No, I'm not saying people that don't travel don't have moments where they feel this, but because I'm in different scenery, weather, and cultures often, the differences completely take my breath away, often. It almost feels like a dream/fairytale. I wouldn't be able to recognize these things without having experienced something different than my norm. 

I feel the same way about people I meet in different places around the world or even just in my own town who live a different lifestyle or just think slightly different than I. 

It is because of these different interactions of travel, meeting people and being in and enjoying the moment that opens me up to love these moments/people even deeper. 

I am so grateful to appreciate simple beauties like this. 

Love Dreamer Di

Challenge: Look around you and see what simple beauty you can enjoy. :)

Words: Chocolate milk

Saturday, September 24, 2016

What's Worth Scrimping For

When to pinch a couple pennies vs when spending the "extra dollar" is the best option. 

I'm an avid saver. Time, money and energy saver. I'm constantly looking for ways to adjust my life and routine to be most efficient. It's been an ongoing process. By being diligent in these efforts I regularly have extra of these precious commodities to do what I desire most, like travel, have quality time with family/friends and truly relax.

This weekend I experienced an example of when spending a little extra money would have been the "wiser" decision.

Weighing What's Truly Important & What's Less Important (<--Even though this is important too)
My husband went on a mission for our church for 2 years when he was 19. He served in in Brussels Belgium and parts of France. This Friday night was his mission reunion and one of our Apostles, David Bednar, was speaking. James and I were both excited to see/meet old friends and learn some great tips about living a successful happy life/family by living Godly principles. 

The airline we normally fly to Utah has a track record of being late, so we decided to send James the day before the conference on a different airline and Olivia and I would fly the less expensive (yet less reliable) airline. Cause it was most important for James to be there right? If I DID miss it it wouldn't be as bad, but it would save us $35....... I look back at that and my heart sinks.

As guessed, the flight was SIX hours late, so I missed the conference. While I was waiting for the plane I was in peace, for I could not control the situation. But later that night after James told me of his experience and everything he learned, my little heart broke. I hadn't realized how much I really wanted to be there. I had the best outfit picked out. I was so excited to support James at this wonderful reunion and meet the companions(And their wives) who I've heard stories about. To share a bonding moment and hold the hand of a man I'm so proud to be married to. Then learn wisdom and strategy taught by an expert, in person.  ALL missed because I wanted to save $35. Thirty five dollars. I make more than that in ONE hours time. What was I thinking?

I was reminded this morning that money is unlimited and replaceable, experiences are not. Moments can not be bought back and time can not be rewound. My heart still stings this morning that I let money be my boss and I missed out on an experience, a moment, a memory that I will never get back again. I have learned from this experience and I will try to not have that happen again. 

My money, time, and energy saving habits have been highly beneficial, but they are also under constant refinement, adjustment, and growth. Taking a risk of fate (will this flight actually be on time) for $35 was not worth it. I missed out. 

Moving forward I will take more time to think about what's TRULY important instead of what's only important

Love Dreamer Di

Challenge: You are not a victim of circumstance. Your choices dramatically affect your reality. You may not be able to control all the details,  it being proactive and wise makes a huge difference. Keep it simple: Be proactive today towards any area of your life you want to improve. 

Word: Priorites

If you'd like help figuring out your priorities and making your true desires a reality, contact me.

Friday, April 29, 2016

Mommy Dreamer, Don't Look Past The Dream You Are Already Living

Don't Look Past The Dream You Are Already Living.

This was a huge wake up call for me. Literally. It's 2:38 am and I've been up since 12:30am. My daughter is teething, 2 lower molars are just breaking their way through her bright red little gums. Poor little gal. So the last couple of days have been rough in the sleep department, for everyone involved.

I've been thinking a lot lately about how I'm supposed to accomplish things/goals when I'm so sleep deprived. Which leaves me exhausted, imbalanced etc.

As I lay here, listening to her cry, I was reminded that in this moment, I am living what I asked for. What I’ve worked for. I wouldn't give up this moment, even the crying sleepless nights. Because being a mom is such an important desire of mine, and I’m smack dab in the middle of living it. J

I admit, the mom thing had to grow on me for years and years, but by the time the moment actually came to be a mom, I wouldn't have it any other way. And I feel so blessed to have the opportunity.

In the past I would work hard for something, reach it, and be onto the next "high" of goal setting and achieving. It got to the point of "why am I doing this?" For each victory was meaningless, empty, and short lived.

If I don’t take time to enjoy the “fruit of my labors,” it isn’t worth the effort.  I’ve had to work on stopping, embracing, and enjoying the moments of success and achievement, and in this case, is being a mother.


Well, my choice of motherhood has been refining that skill of ‘enjoying your creations’ even more. For motherhood isn't a "check off the list" endeavor. You don't just give yourself a high five and move on. It's a constant opportunity to enjoy, cherish and embrace the beauty.


So what I'm getting at is, I had to be reminded that in this very moment, I am living my dreams. I am successfully achieving my destiny, my desires and my purpose at 3am, in a dark room, tired eyes, with a hurting baby who needs me. I don’t need to feel sorry for myself that there is so much resistance to ‘become something more’ than I am now.  This resistance, learning how to take care of a wee human, is the best gift I have ever received. (And my sweet hubby) I always dreamed of being a wife and mother, and a wife and mother I am. I made it. It has been created. I have reached it. I will forever be, mom, momma, mommy.

I am grateful for the reminder that I'm "livin' the dream now" for these are the things that matter. If I were to neglect these moments for future endeavors I'd be chasing the same thing I did for years (An accomplishment high) and be empty and hopeless, with a handful of regret.

Now don't get me wrong, I strive daily to create my future, dreams and desires. But having the attitude that "I've arrived/made it" "I'm living my dreams this very second" and "I'm so grateful to be here now" makes the day go a little smoother. Makes the trying moments a little less loud and long. Makes my compassion overpower the passions that might actually try to steal this moment from me.

So as dawn breaks, and little smiles wake me up bright and early. As I get another opportunity to try again, to do the best I can. As I look over plans, dreams and goals tomorrow. As I work towards new things, I hope to always remember, that these moments wont last forever. That each day I progress slowly, but the present is of great worth. So learn to enjoy today, now. For the only thing stopping the future from becoming the present, is time.

I will strive to enjoy these beautiful moments. I’ve worked hard to be here.

(P.s. She's sleeping here, next to me, in bed now. Teal owl nighty, green stuffed froggie, comforted, snuggly little body and all. My precious little dream come true.)

Momma Dreamer Di

Challenge: Look at what you can appreciate/notice in your life today that is a gift and choose an attitude of enjoyment, love and gratitude.

Word: Dependent :)

Thursday, April 14, 2016

Riding An Old Rusty Boat

The story begins in the summer of 2009. My brother Doug and my friend Albert decided to go on a hike. Since I had been in "another world" for 5-6 years and wasn’t a very good person I hadn’t developed a relationship with my brother, or even knew Him very well. So this hike was the first time me and my bro had hung out and did anything for years. So I prayed and prayed and prayed that we would have a wonderful experience together so He’d want to hang out with me again. So we drove a couple hours to a place called Willow Springs lake (Arizona), which by the way, we found NO spring anywhere. Anyway, we began to hike, me, Doug, Albert and my dog Kiwi. We had never done this hike before, yet being adventurous we started off. We saw so many cool things, I caught a lizard and he bit the crap out of my hand over and over again as I held him for a picture. We jumped rock to rock, crossed logs, found cool things and enjoyed the scenery. After a couple hours we came to a bend in the lake, after contemplation we decided to “hike around the whole lake” for it looked pretty small, how big could it be, right?

So we continued hiking another hour and we ran out of water. We hoped it wasn’t much farther as we came around a bend. Doug pulled out his phone to look at a map and to our amazement we had not realized that there was whole other side of the lake we couldn't see from our car ! We were in the middle of the horse shoe! We could see my car across the other side of the lake, yet the water was freezing so we couldn’t swim. We had to come up with a game plan. Choices were, we could hike back the way we came, 7-8 miles, still with no water and it would take us another 3 hours. Or we hike forward around the other side, which on the map was longer then the way we came, estimating close to 10 miles, which would be 4 hours, and still with no water. We were in a pickle.

            Then the real adventure began. We remembered about 20 minutes back, a abandoned metal fishing boat. We hiked back to check it out. We took off our shoes, and went out about 20 feet out from the shore line. Luckily the water was pretty shallow. The water was cold as we arrived at the boat, it was full of black mucky water, pretty disgusting and had to have been sitting there a long time. We tried tipping the boat to get the water out, rocked it back and forth and splashed some of it out, but the boat was so stinkin heavy. An older man and his wife rowed by in their canoe. He asked “Is that your boat?” In a gruff angry tone. “No it’s not” we replied with a mischievous/adventurous grin. 

So after thinking it through using much “wisdom” and thought process, ;) we all got in the boat! Kiwi was our lady on the front of the boat, I sat at the back holding our shoes and technology to keep them as dry as possible. And Doug and Albert took turns "rowing."We had one large stick/log to push off the side and one stick that we thought would pass as a paddle. We thought, “Hey, how hard could it be? We can see the car. We’ll just float right on over to it.” WRONG!

So we leave the shore. The wind and current have a different idea. It starts to bring us over to where we want but then changes course and brings us to the middle of the lake. Once in the middle of the lake we realized how crazy we were, getting into that old nasty boat and going afloat! There could have been anything in the black mucky water, diseases, more fishing hooks (Which we had already found a couple), a homeless man? (Ha jk) And there could have been holes all though it! We might have sunk!! ha The so called “rowing” stopped and we laughed hysterically for a good 5 mins. I'm sure it echoed for miles!

Now in the middle of the lake, the same older man came by and said “Do you think that was the best idea?” “It's a little late now sir!” I said with a smile.

The boat soon took us over to a bank and we tied the boat off and hopped out onto dry land. We put out shoes back on and started hiking. The boat probably took off a good 8 miles and a couple hours of hiking. We still had a distance to go but we were closer! Our path came to a dam which we had to climb down the one side and back up the other to get over it. We then jumped a large chain link fance and BAM! We were back to my car and had an awesome story to tell! Such a fun moment!

Since then my brother and I have become best friends and love spending time with each other. I asked for the Lord to make this a wonderful memorable experience, and he DID! :)