Forgive me my dear friends for my lack of writing. My brain has been quite busy in thought, processing and healing. I want you to know that I love you. I really want you to succeed and reach for the things you truly desire. I am going to be honest with you. What you want might not always be the easiest road. For this trip has stretched me in many areas and I have had lots of silent moments to ponder. The Lord has really taken me in and is slowly helping my mind expand to be able to hold the blessings He has in store for me. This has not been the most comfortable thing I have experienced and to be honest there has been moments when I wanted to quit and go back to my comfortable, happy, perfect life. Just as I had it. But, the reason I took this leap of faith was because I believe there is more than what is right outside my front door and I can really have it.
My heart is being stretched to trust the Lord will provide a way for me to achieve my goals. When I trust in Him I feel peace. This has been a constant reminder when I am feeling alone or that I do not have enough, that I am in His hands and I shall not fear. I have cried so much on this trip due to fear and unknown. Which are tears I haven’t really felt or released before. But this is where I have stepped into something new, something bigger, and something wilder, Gods territory.
I have talked to God for a long time, wanting to see His adventurous wild side. For I believe He is a God of many likes and activity and I've wanted to see what He is capable of in this area. I asked in faith and ignorance at the same time. For I have now put myself in a position where He HAS to be in complete control and provision. And I didn't realize how hard it was going to be to feel so helpless and have to trust in the promises He gives me. I am having to choose to believe in His ways 100%. It is Him and I on this journey, realizing I literally might not survive without him has truly humbled me. I had thought I had trusted in Him before, but as I have left everything I have known behind me I realize there are so many other ways I can.
A couple weeks ago there was a stretch where I didn't sleep for almost 5 nights. For my mind was racing to find solutions and I was so scared because no solutions were coming that could quench my fear and need. During this time I stretched more in faith then I think I ever have. For the only person that could produce the results I needed in that small period of time was God. Let me tell you, my heart has never cried so strongly and soul pleaded for Him as I did then. For I was holding on to the promises He had gave me at the beginning of the trip and the actions I had taken, but my faith was stretched that what he promised was actually going to show up. Have you ever felt like your actions and work are in vain? I have felt this before and all I know is, I have been testing A LOT of his promises. And.... He showed up. He has taken care of my concern and I am at peace about what I was so desperately praying for. He released me from the hell I was in.
Now other things have came up since then. Other feelings and logistics that I know I cannot do on my own. But from this first experience above, he showed up, and solved my problem, and gave me hope and peace. So I will hold on to that again, that He will take care of my needs again. I am so grateful we can work together.
The reality of my dreams would be nonexistent without my Lord and Savior.
My trip has been so wonderful, I am so grateful for my beautiful abundant life. :)
Let God lead your dreams. I am living proof it is possible. He loves you and wants you to enjoy your beautiful little life. ;) Keep your head up and continue moving forward in joy. I believe in you, the hardships are for your good and I pray you find beauty in each moment. You are worth that. :) I hope all is well in your world.
I love you dearly,
Word of the day: Peaches
Challenge: I dare you to enjoy an ENTIRE day. :)