To be straight up with you, this trip has not been what I expected. It is hard, long, stressful, and a TON of work. Teddy and I both have been wondering when the "refining process" the "stretching period" the "I'm out of my comfort zone but now I'm ok" will pass.
From having to find our way around city streets where we do not speak the same language, maps the size of a car to try to find the right direction, carrying all our things with us and so many logistics etc. It literally has stretched us to the core.
The Lord told us we could dream, we belived Him and jumped. I just don't know how much more we can give. We left everything we had, quit our jobs, left all structure, left eveything comfortable, everything we loved, and took a leap of faith. We thought that the actual leap would be the hardest part, but the stress and hard times have continued.
Gosh, was all this worth it? I could have stayed home and found another way to feel like this, without having so many pieces to put back together when I return.
I am begining to wonder if all this work is worth it. I thought all my work before this trip would be enough to "pay and effort" for the fun and adventure I wanted. I have been out here 43 days. How long will it take?
I have wanted to travel since a child. I have wanted to explore the world and different cultures. I have wanted to live my dreams to also show you you can too. But at the moment my experience of dreaming isn't a positive note. At the moment I can not be an advocate for dreaming. I am hoping this outlook with change.
This isn't what I bargined for.
Words of the day/Challenge: Can you please pray for Teddy and Mine enjoyment while on this trip? We have worked so hard to be here, doing what we have always dreamed. We would appreciate your help.
Love Dreamer Di
Hey Diana, its Amy :) I have to admit, I've been reading your blog for a little while now, and I felt super compelled to respond to this post. The struggles and fears that you're facing right now are ones that I've struggled with my whole life. Of course they aren't your exact struggles, but ones that feel overwhelming and persistent in my own life. I would often get mad, thinking "when will the work end, and when will I be able to just start living and loving?" I would be so frustrated by the fact that I would see progress, keep moving forward, but then suddenly be two steps back when I thought I was doing everything right. I didn't understand. If things weren't going to go stay fixed then there was no point trying. But the truth is, the work never ends. You can't just get through the suck of life and have rainbows and unicorns waiting for you on the other side, its a crazy mix of wonderful and terrible combined. This has been the hardest thing about life for me to accept, but I am starting to accept it. You have to feel this pain and heartache in order to grow, no matter how much it hurts and you want to turn away. Yes, you could have stayed home and have less to deal with, but would that really have been the Diana Flammer way to go? I don't think so, and you KNOW it's not. You'll be an advocate for dreaming soon, so don't let this get the best of you :) you rock, and I'm glad you kept it real today. It actually inspired me. :)
ReplyDeleteDiana while reading this my whole body ached to rush over there and give you a giant hug. I don't have any great words of wisdom that are going to suddenly going to make it all okay but I can tell you I love you and that if there is anyone on this planet that can take and ugly thing and makes it beautiful, its you. You have always been so good at enjoying the little things. Like watching a bumble bee fly, or laying on the grass just to feel the breeze blow across your face. You love seeing old people walk, or watching an old couple hold hands. You have always enjoyed sitting in the serenity of the temple and smelling the beautiful flowers or watching a beautiful sunset while enjoying some dippin dots. Enjoying these small little things will make those big things seem even more majestic, i promise. I love you sweet girl and am always, always here for you.
ReplyDeleteLove, Rosa